How to deal with grief through songwriting

Luke James Williams: “A song written in the midst of anger or denial will likely result in a more visceral response.”

Drawing from his own personal experience, singer-songwriter Luke James Williams tackles the delicate subject of harnessing loss into your compositions

I am very passionate about the way in which songwriting can help us make sense of our lives, our emotions and our place in the world but much like songwriting itself, grief is something that no two people will experience and approach in the same way. My new album Limes Hotel was born out of an intense period of grief following the death of two close friends of mine, friends who were also huge supporters and cheerleaders of my work as a singer-songwriter. One of their deaths was somewhat expected following a long battle with cancer, and the other came out of the blue. Both shook my world in different ways and, once again, songwriting has played a big part in helping me to process what happened and also create a space in which I can carry them with me through my life as I record and perform these songs.

Remove expectation

The phrase “don’t force it” is a tricky one when it comes to songwriting. One of my favourite quotes about inspiration is from Picasso, who said, “Inspiration exists but it has to find you working.” Whilst I believe we need to create the conditions in which inspiration can flourish, in this context, “don’t force it” is more about removing the expectation that we will be able to write a song about the death of a loved one.

You might more easily write about the death of a casual acquaintance or someone you knew a long time ago and find that it flows out like a river and sums up exactly how you feel. Conversely, you might lose a family member, partner or close friend and never really be able to confront it through song. Sometimes the grief is too much and it can create a block. I think it’s best to create the right conditions and let the inspiration come naturally, without expectations.

Artwork for Luke James Williams’ album Limes Hotel

Trust the process

When I talk about being able to write a song about the passing of a loved one, I suppose what I am referring to is being able to finish a song; one you are proud of and would possibly want to share with the world. However, perhaps more than ever in the context of dealing with grief, the process is definitely the most important part.

The act of sitting down with your emotions and exploring the myriad thoughts going through your head is where the healing happens. Even if a finished song never comes of it, those words, those phrases and snippets of melody and chord changes will bring you great comfort and any time spent creating and trying to make sense of the world and your emotions is always time well spent.

Differing approaches

As is well known, grief comprises many stages and I would say that writing during any stage can be a great comfort. Time and space afford the benefit of a range of emotions and feelings to play out which might create a richer and more nuanced song. On the other hand, a song written in the midst of anger or denial will likely result in a more visceral response. Always There from my first album took me years to write, whereas Flicker Of Light from my new album tumbled out in a stream of consciousness almost entirely formed.

You might not even write about a specific person or event at all, but rather explore the subject as a whole. My song Seeds is a rumination on what comes after life and the act of writing this song threw up more questions than it did answers. However you go about it, writing at any stage of grief can be cathartic. All approaches are valid and each will have its own individual merits.

Luke James Williams: “Creating space is a good thing as it can also allow for the meaning to change and evolve over time.”

Boundaries

In the privacy of your own head and notebooks, you can write freely, and I would always say that censorship should be the furthest thing from your mind when you are in the writing phase itself. However, if you intend to release these songs into the world, I think it’s very important to consider the impact they could have on you and those around you, given that grief is such a personal and highly charged emotion.

Are you mentioning names? Are you mentioning personal details? How might others feel about you revealing these things in a commercially released song? From my own experience, I have always preferred to omit overly specific details such as names, dates and locations to try to create as much room in the songs as possible for people to make their own meanings. I think creating space is a good thing as it can also allow for the meaning to change and evolve over time. This is how I approach songwriting more generally, but it is a matter of personal preference.

No rules

However you want to approach it, there are no rules. The process itself is your safe space in which to deal with the wide range of emotions that grief inevitably stirs up. Without fail, I always find comfort in exploring my feelings through song, and I hope that songwriting will be as good a friend to you as it has been to me when dealing with grief.

Limes Hotel, the new album by Luke James Williams, is out on 17 April and is available at lukejameswilliams.ffm.to/limeshotel – you can find details of his upcoming shows at lukejameswilliams.co.uk

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